21 June 2008


Surprisingly, for a bloke who likes his holidays in the winter, (with his friends and probably involving some kind of winter sport) I really enjoyed our "Hot holiday" to Crete also titled our late Honeymoon.

The holiday went without a hitch and was very relaxing. There were no delays at the airports, coming or going and the hotel, "The Golden Beach", was 3 star luxury. Well, the entrance, reception and lobby were all very posh and air conditioned, the rooms were a little more basic, air conditioned with excellent balconies and sea views but basic.


The week went on and I realised that I was beginning to like the place. I liked the attitude that everyone seemed to have. They just didn't give a toss, especially when it came to personal safety which I thought was bloody great. You can sit in a bar drinking a Frappacino and a scooter will shoot past at 40 miles an hour with two quite hot looking local girls on it, wearing tiny skirts, vests tops, and no helmets, and they didn't have a scratch on them or even the hint of a scar that may have shown that they had falling off in the past. No one did. Stephanie pointed out that it was because of the lack of any kind of public health care. Because the government didn't have to pay for it, they didn't care what you get up too. I love that, wish it was like that in England.

After a hard night out on the tiles, Tibs took time to rest up.

We thought that the worst of Stephanies' drinking problems were behind us.

I suppose it could be worse, it could be a pair of trainers.

Stephanie's spying career has been over for some years but she still likes to keep her hand in.

"Hmm Doughnuts".

Think one of those old gits has pissed themselves, thought Steph.

I wasn't sure what to make of Crete when we first arrived, I thought it was a dirty, untidy place with what seemed to be a lot of half finished building work. I began to wonder if the island was called Crete, short for concrete which seemed to be used for all the pavements. The locals seemed to have little respect for this, especially if it was wet concrete and then it seemed compulsory to walk through it, ride your moped or drive your car through it, even cats and dogs wanted to get a look in and leave their paw prints.

Toby the Tuna lay on the wet tiles and cursed his Sat-Nav. If this happens again, he thought, I'm bloody taking it back to Argos.

Here Stephanie is playing an ancient Cretean glass flute, called a Vodka Lime and Soda.

I swear I was not looking at the topless sunbathing girl.


Rocks with waves!

Nothing funny to say here. This was just the best view I have ever seen from a dining table. Rethymnon is so cool.

Rethymnon high street was always a bit quite on a Saturday lunch time.

A Damian Hurst we were told.

"Yea ha! ha! if you think this is bad you should have seen were my mate the Tuna ended up. Still...no one can say i'm a sword loser Yuk! Yuk!".

At night our hotel took on an all together different vibe. Less of a Golden Beach, more a castle in flames.

And the Genie of the small sand shoes spoke to Stephanie saying " Make Neil a lovely cup of tea".

Steph walked up to the quad bike nonchalant, then when no one was looking, jumped on it and made a quick get away. Her old spying habits were hard to ignore.

Hmm lots of lovely food for around the 50€ mark, thought Stephanie.

The Ku Klux Clan liked nothing better than shouting abuse at passing horse back riders while watching the sun go down.

By now Stephanie was so adept at operating her camera, she could do it while fast a sleep.

Agatha Christie pondered the murder in the dinning room the night before.

What lovely pair of real, genuine, polarised RayBan's you're wearing. All the better to see you on really bright and sunny days Mr Wolf.

"Ay Ay Sailor"

Giant cocktail.

Our hotel balcony from outside. we were reassured that it was safe and will look a lot smarter after the renovations.

A knife shop, a bit of a dying trade these days : ).

Very cute holiday rep. It's a pity the chick in the blue blouse is in the way.

"God I could really do with a fag right now" thought Steph.

We surrender.

The actual view from my bed in the morning. That's a sea view then is it?

Drugs raids were a nightly occurrence in Rethymnon.

The invisible German couple finished their drinks in no time.

Just a great view of Rethymnon from the castle walls.

Later in the week we went to Rethymnon, a very old Venetian port a few minutes away from our hotel by taxi. I really loved Rethymnon and spent a lot of time shooting around clicking pics with our new Olympus E410 SLR 10 megapixel camera while Stephanie spent her time in lovely, lovely Cartier, Prada, Calvin Kline, Breitling and Tag watch shops. I was both scared and exited, she was either going to spend a lot of money herself or she was going to spend a lot of money on me, in the end and quite rightly so she showed restraint and did neither.

If your names not on the list you're not coming in.

Rethymnon harbor.

After a heavy night the Ku Klux Clan made their way back to their hotel rooms.

Stephanie shortly after her boob job. A guy at the market did it for €250, you can't go wrong.

The approach to our hotel was narrow at best.

"Storming the castle from this side is suicide" I shouted.

So I decided to take the secret stairs instead.

Rethymnon Light house and medieval harbor wall, I love stuff like this.

As with most holidays this one took the usual patten of getting to grips with a place for the first part of the week and not being sure whether you like the place or not, to finding your way around a bit more by the end of the week, really loving the place and being quite sad to be going home which I guess is the sign of a bloody good holiday.


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